A Contribution to the MANK Discourse

Let's make some pretend movies!

David Fincher’s latest film, MANK, is available now on Netflix. Here’s the logline:

“1930s Hollywood is re-evaluated through the eyes of scathing social critic and alcoholic screenwriter Herman J. Mankiewicz as he races to finish the screenplay of ‘Citizen Kane’ for Orson Welles.”

We’re all losing our minds. This weekend, I said “MANK” so often it lost all meaning. After playing many hours of the New York Times Spelling Bee game, I wondered, how many movies could I come up with that are one letter removed from MANK? These thirteen imaginary films spewed forth from my lockdown-addled brain: 

BANK

A motley group of criminals reunites for one last job, to repossess what lenders took from them in the wake of the 2008 mortgage crisis. 

DANK

Set over the course of a weekend at the Cannabis Cup, can the growers from one of Oregon’s last independent marijuana farms take the gold or are their hopes destined to go up in smoke? 

HANK

On the last night of his life, Hank Williams looks back on his music, and loves and heartbreaks from the backseat of his Cadillac. 

RANK

Alex Gibney’s investigation into the culture behind military promotions. With the advent of a privatized military, how do we decide who gets promoted to general? 

SANK

Adapted from Erik Larsen’s DEAD WAKE, the story of the Lusitania and its sinking told through the eyes of its crew, passengers, and the Germans piloting the U-Boat who fired the fatal torpedo. 

WANK

A history of the guitar solo. Narrated by Eric Clapton. 

YANK

As the Battle of Britain dawns, an American pilot at an RAF base in England struggles to fit in with his fellow aviators as they prepare for the fight of their lives. 

MINK

They’re back! Denmark’s mink population was destroyed, or so we thought. Undead but unbowed, can scientists find a cure for this particularly novel strain of the coronavirus?

MUNK

A mix of live-action and CGI, MUNK is a dark reimagining of Chip N’ Dale’s Rescue Rangers, following Chip and Dale as they move from humble origins and assemble a crack squad of fellow rodents. 

MACK

This truck breaks for no one. A sentient Mack truck criss-crosses the United States, our for revenge against hit-and-run drivers who fled the scene of their accidents. 

MAHK

Mark Wahlberg comes of age in 1980’s Boston, transforming into Marky Mark as the city itself blossoms. 

MANC

The Gallagher brothers live in Manchester with no jobs, no hope, and no way out, until a hit album turns their lives upside down. 

MANE

A peek inside the curious, competitive, and confusing world of grooming horses for dressage competition, featuring interviews with Lena Dunham, Ann Romney, and others.